The Steens Guide to Geocaching

We started Geocaching last year as a gentle activity to help Louise recover from major surgery, we started on the simple wander along the path geocaches and now are regularly found roaming the country side, popping out of bushes, giggling, spending more time laughing at each other than anything else, but you know what life is too short so if you find something you love and makes you laugh go for it, to heel with what people think.

Trying to explain to ‘muggles’ (non geocahcers) what we do and why usually results in people looking at us if we have escaped from the nearest lunatic asylum so we decided to make a ‘Dummies Guide to Geocaching’ so sit back and laugh with us.

Take two nutters, give them Geocache names –  Jerrypants & mps69

The occasional assistants:

Kit (Billy convinced the weight of the bag is going to give him a heart attack one day – maybe we could cut back on the lunch

Right that is us ready to go, yes the handbag is classed as kit as it holds Louise’s lipstick!!

Now all we need to do is log into http://www.geocaching.com to work out where we fancy going, become a right pair of smarty pants now as we have discovered series (series of caches in one area) get us turning into bloody know all’s. This is when we load the cache numbers (GZ****) into our GPS and phones – Billy actually swearing away in other room as we planned to Geocache in Cuba but just found out GPS are illegal in Cuba,  we were going to drop a trackable off to celebrate our silver wedding – will explain trackables further on.

Ok routes selected, jump into car and head to start point, Louise has been told many times not to switch her GPS on until she actually gets to the start point as that is cheating. Needless to say she is either too blond or just does not listen to Billy and famous for going ‘oops I forgot to switch it off. Yes we are that sad we can use our GPS to work how far we walked, speed etc but Louise sure they are wrong as it always feels longer.

Now to be honest you do have to be slightly mad to do this, never be an olympic sport, basically you are going out into the wilderness to find Tupperware containers that we all have rattling around in our cupboards. If we find said containers in the cupboard we just throw them back in but outside we get all excited when we find them, complete with slimy insects.

We have now found 122 (Billy) 121 (Louise) and here are a selection of what you can find:

So there we are out wandering around the countryside, seeing parts we never knew existed, getting fresh air, being all romantic wandering along hand in hand. Yeah right that stopped once the competitive spirit kicked in and now it is usual to be slapped in the face with a passing branch, lots of pushing and shoving goes on when according to the GPS we are at the cache location. Must admit Billy is better at finding them than Louise, she gets too excited but she is better at working out the clues. Billy is the gentleman though and if Louise has not found any he will pretend not to see them and point Louise in the right direction. One of our earlier finds was actually pointed out by a cow in the field standing looking at the cache.

Caches do come in levels of easiness to find but we are sure some Geocachers are just evil, this tends to be when we are basically clambering through trees, doubled over due to lack of space, hate the clue ‘base of tree’ really we are in the middle of a forest!! We have surprised a few people when we pop out of trees giggling and holding hands.

Trackables: these are items in the caches that are placed with the sole intention of being picked up and moved around the world, we have been lucky and found a few, Billy released his first trackable out into the world with the intention of being taken to finders favourite pub for a drink then deposit it again for the next person.

Events: these can be to show muggles what Geocaching entails or events run for specific reasons, we had great fun last year at Polkemet where the lovely Jackie Catterall had organised a spooky Halloween event, caching in the dark, spooky scenes, looking forward to her Halloween event this year at Beecraigs.

Caches: we released our first caches into the wild this week, great fun working out where to put them, what to put in them

We have GPS’s now but started off with just our smart phones, wear boots as tree roots have a tendency to grab you when you are not looking, Louise is known for tripping and uttering very unladylike words (sorry dad).

You don’t need to be fit, have expensive equipment just a sense of fun and adventure, take the kids, dog whatever you have. We started off on very gentle ones, flat ground, 30 mins and now just pack up at lunch and disappear for 3-4 hrs, yes you will be tired but relaxed, nothing beats the sense of triumph when you come home and log your finds on http://www.geocaching.com

Facebook has a group Geocaching Scotland where you will find other like-minded nutters who are more than happy to help newbies.

Go on give it a try, come back and tell us how you got on

Norfolk Madness

It was a strange Christmas for me this year as Danielle was not there, mixed emotions to be honest, happy that she is finally out in the world making her way, living with the love of her life but hey I am her mum and empty nest syndrome kicked in even though she has been away at Uni for the last 4 years. How dare our children grow up, move out and lead happy lives, oh wait a minute that means we have done our job properly. On the plus side my house is always tidy, no more tracking down dirty dishes, overflowing washing/ironing basket and another bed to escape to when her dad is snoring.

Billy and I decided to change all our normal Christmas routines (basically to try to prevent me missing Shorty too much) worked perfectly, no tears just lots of laughs as I wrapped up the presents for my Norfolk family complete with my constantly running nose, lovely chesty cough – any damp parts on wrapping paper was the rain honest.

We could not get down to Shorty for Christmas but went down on 30th December on the wildest weather day, roads were being closed behind us due to floods but her dad was determined that we would get there……….we knew there was going to be an announcement and we had to be there for that.

Finally arrived after 8 hrs travelling but it was worth it, we had Christmas together, opened our presents – Clive got his first white envelope and survived, his face when he opened his hula hoops made my night. Shorty was in heaven as Santa got her books, pjs, white envelope that made her night – envelopes had tickets to Shorty’s favourite show ‘Rent’ . I loved my book on trees just what I need for geocaching as I don’t know one tree from another and when I get clues ‘look under the oak tree’ I have no idea. As for Billy and his radio controlled car talk about a kid at Christmas, he did share though and just laughed when Hazel crashed it.

Barry:
We finally met Barry, to be honest we were beginning to wonder if he really existed or an imaginary friend of Shorty and Clive, well she has a reputation for imaginary friends who lived in her bedroom cupboard. He even offered me a real goat to take home as a pet but Billy said no but Clive and Shorty bought me a plastic goat which I now have sitting on the dashboard of my car.

Hogmanay:
The weather was awful but in a dry spell Shorty, Billy and I walked along to the Post Office, I hear you saying nothing exciting about that but this is the Post Office you go to get your butcher meat. Shorty and I could not look at each other when the guy behind me at the Post Office counter asked for meat. Village life what can I say.

Clive had ‘the chat’ with Billy and we proudly watched our daughter say yes to his marriage proposal. This is a moment that not many mum’s get to witness but to watch Clive ask and Shorty say yes with the love between them so powerful made my heart melt. Tough time for her dad, all dads dread the day when another man comes into their daughter’s life and they have to let go. Shorty and her dad have always been so close from the day she was born, he will always be an important part of her life but I don’t think any dad really accepts that his little girl has grown up.

 

New Year:
Must be the country air but we slept until 1pm on the 1st January, not done that for years. Shorty made her first New Year steak pie which we all demolished, she must take her cooking skills from me. Highlight of the evening was when we mixed Hazel, sparkly wine, Guinness and champagne with a plastic chair. To be fair the chair was sitting next to the heater 🙂 one minute she is upright and the next there is a pop, Hazel tips towards Billy and before he can catch her there is another pop and she on the floor unable to get up for laughing.

2nd January:
Hazel very kindly took us all to Centre Parcs for the day despite her hangover, she made us a fantastic picnic which we attacked like hungry locust. What a day from picking up the bikes, tour of the parc, crazy golf where we taught them the Steen rules which is basically cheat as much as you can get away with as it is only a game, Hazel noticing that Shorty and her dad are clones and move/talk/laugh the same way, we set them up in the coffee shop so we could watch them. We went swimming in the evening, how cool is this it is the 2nd of January and we are in the outside part of the pool, warm water but freezing cold air it was surreal. We had fun on the flumes, I went on the more gentle one and it made you feel like a turd going down the toilet, sorry that is gross but that is what it felt like. Shorty, Billy, Martin and Ellie went on the more adventurous flumes, Billy was caught trying to get out on one with the ‘I need a pee’ excuse but never got away with it, apparently his language was rather fruity to say the least. It was funny in the pool to watch Shorty with her dad going on the flumes, it was if she 10 again.

  

Power Cut:
We had a power cut on the Friday night which was good in a way as we were leaving on the Saturday morning and the night before we leave is always hard. Highlight of the power cut was Clive desperate for a cup of tea (power only off an hour) so he and Billy made a kettle out of a tea light candle, mine pie container – needless to say it ended in disaster but a lot of giggling.

Bromance:
While we were in Norfolk we all watched a bromance flourish, Martin and Billy were inseparable, not sure if I should be worried or try to stop laughing about it.

Girl Time:
We went to a model shop but Zoe and I decided that was too boring for us so we went for coffee instead. Pretended we were looking through the magazines for wedding ideas but were really checking out the guys in them. Zoe was in heaven at one point as Billy had found One Direction posters on the wall so we spent 10 mins taking the mickey out of Zoe being in love with all the posters, young love!!

We all had a fantastic time in Norfolk, lots of laughs, love and memories, I enjoyed time with all my girlies and proud to now have 3 daughters, son-in-law and sneakily pushing for a Gretna wedding. Looking forward to my Norfolk family coming up to visit this year.

Hola from Cuba

Saturday 14th September

Two very excited people off on their Cuban adventure first stop Livingston North to get train connection in Edinburgh Waverley, got the joys of listening to a woman bitch about her friend on the phone with her other friend, she was evil but we did snigger while we listened in.

Made connection with plenty of time even managed to get a coffee out of it while we waited for Manchester Airport train. People are so rude and their basic lack of manners never fails to disgust us. We were there early for train but that makes no difference as the rule is just shove your way past people. The train was full and we had to stand until just outside Lockerbie, we never thought when we booked the tickets that it was the main September Bank Holiday weekend and people heading to Blackpool, just the joys of travelling not the end of the world.

Arrived safe and sound and headed to Premier Lodge for overnight stay, taxi driver obviously thought he was in training for the Grand Prix, white knuckle 5 mins ride while thinking ‘no don’t wipe us out before we get to Cuba’, lovely hotel, recommend to anybody needing to stay overnight before flying out off Manchester.

Of course Billy had scoped out Geocaches before we left so we headed out to find local one, Louise a woosie as we had to walk through a field with horses but she just hid behind Billy whenever they moved, two of the horses were watching and whenever they moved Louise got closer to Billy. Found Geocache which was good as we wanted to mark the start of our silver wedding Cuban adventure.

Sunday 15th September

Up at 5am to get shuttle bus to airport at 6am, Louise excited but Billy hates this part of travelling but did only ask once “do you have the tickets and passports” Louise chatted to the couple on the shuttle bus while Billy had his worry.

Oops cases slightly over so Louise got the “told you so look” which she promptly ignored but did promise to leave stuff in Cuba to keep weight down, obviously not leave Billy as that would just be cruel and who would carry her case on the return journey – got to plan ahead.

Checked in, wandered around duty free, got perfume, aftershave then off to the Service air Lounge, Billy made a great choice picking that option, so peaceful and as much coffee, pastries, bacon rolls you can eat. We did sit in the ‘quiet zone’ of the lounge which is just the opposite of Louise at the best of times but she did manage to behave and sit quietly most of the time.

Long flight, plane very hot, usual suspects complaining but earphones drown them out, had moijto and Uncle Jack Daniels to start off holiday. Best part as when we got off the flight the heat just smacked us even in the feeder tunnel, we had arrived!!

Immigration was a bit unusual as in the fact people were taken away to other areas, only able to go through one at a time so had to make up a plan in case one of us got through and the other held back. Long sweaty minutes when Billy got through the magic door but had to wait to see if Louise made it through.

Both allowed into country so off to get suitcases, saw one then lost it but it had got stuck and a nice man found it for us, Louise told that yes the doggy was cute but not pat it as it was a drug dog!

Last on the bus but hey no rush now on Cuban time, lots of “ohh look at that, look at those old cars” yep two kids having a great time, don’t care what other people say or think. Of course we arrive on the island and the dark clouds appear, heavy rain commenced as we approached hotel and humidity fierce, two over excited puppies met at reception with glass of pink bubbly, warm towels, toiletries, lovely reception staff who explained everything and no mention of how we looked like a pair of ragamuffins after travelling plus to Billy’s delight a man to take our luggage to our room.

Room is stunning, bedroom and sitting area, massive and I mean massive bath, ensuite and the biggest highest bed ever, to get on the bed you need to basically take a running jump, lots of laughs about getting into bed,. We are tall and if we struggle to get on the bed than anybody under 5 foot would need a step.

Tiredness finally hit us and after a quick walk along the beach, snack it was bedtime.

Monday 16th September

Morning welcome meeting, followed by couple of hours by pool, cloudy but humid, welcome to Cuba, having a ball, the colour of the sea, sky makes up for the long day travelling,

Entertainment show in the evening was different, we had water ballet/synchronised swimming, men’s costumes did not leave a lot to the imagination, and obviously cool water does not affect Cuban men. In the middle of the show, bang slap in the spotlight a couple had a stand up argument which of course  we all had to watch, woman stomped off but came back and involved somebody else, poor techie did not know what to do obviously not taught that at techie school

Billy has become a danger to himself already on this holiday, he is a danger in flip flops, slipping, tripping all new skills he has developed and even managed to stab himself in the head with a rusty nail in the beach huts, makes a change from Louise hurting herself.

Tuesday and Wednesday just spent floating between pool and the beautiful sea; colours are out off this world. Billy still a danger to himself much to the amusement of Louise but karma does get her back!

Just like you see in the movies beautiful white sand and pelicans, in the morning we saw four fly past and later in afternoon one actually was fishing for its dinner in front of us, his pal came along too, maybe they were having a romantic date. Stunning to just sit and watch them up close flying and diving into the water, woosie Louise was scared of them as they have big beaks.

Evening entertainment was different, dance troupe with singer who loved himself, lady dancers performed lots of bum shaking and at some point’s sleazy moves more lap dance movements but hey everybody has different tastes, did see the same show over two nights but had two different names. Serious need of good techie, Shorty needs to come over and show them how to run the techie side properly.

Thursday 19th September

Off we went to get the double deck bus into the resort of Varadeo; bus took us around the top part of resort then down into downtown Varadeo. To be honest a bit of a disappointment ok if you are into flea markets etc but that is not us. We did wander along the beach again then headed back for bus, Billy under the weather so we just took it easy.

Went to hotel beach to watch sunset as first day without cloud cover or rain, turns out Mexico was being lashed with tropical storms which Cuba was getting the tail end of. Sunset was beautiful, colours in the sky amazing, loads of photos and romantic time just sitting on the beach watching the sun go down.

Friday 20th September

Up early and out for our trip to Havana, bus picked us up at 7.30am, bleary eyed passengers but well worth it. Tour guide was funny, sarcastic, gave out enough information and facts in a funny way that kept your attention.

We learnt in Havana whenever they pull down a building they make a park, lots of parks in Havana and construction work but with no end date, closest idea of end date is ‘soon’

Taken to main points of interest in Havana, lots of history that appeals to both men and women from military to Cuban life need to come back though as so much to explore. Good idea to go on a tour the first time but we will come back to explore more on our own, we never felt scared even in the busy run down areas.

Went for lunch in Hotel Florida where Ernest Hemingway drank  daiquiri , we had lunch here and had our first daiquiris, remember karma? Yep. She got Louise when she went to ladies room, tripped over the step and launched herself into the corridor for the whole restaurant to see; needless to say Billy laughed himself silly. This hotel has the world’s largest daiquiri glass in the bar and statue of Ernest Hemmingway.

Very poor people in the streets begging for anything you can give from money to skin cream, makes you realise how lucky we are. Louise was disgusted with other members on tour as they basically made the beggars perform before giving them any money.

Off to cigar factory now, Billy very disappointed that the cigars where no longer rolled on the thighs of young virgins, we got a demonstration from a young lady in her sixties who had been making cigars for 45 years. After a retail opportunity we were treated to Cuban coffee and rum then a lesson in cigar lighting and how to smoke said cigar, think Generation Game and you will get the idea.

Next stop was the rum factory, very nice rum cocktail made from fresh sugar cane, oranges and of course rum. Tour of rum museum with guide telling history, types of rum then retail opportunity of course.

Time for group to complain as now was the walking part of tour; again why are people complaining it is part of the tour and how can you experience a city if you don’t immerse yourself in the experience. It was very, very hot but plenty of suntan lotion and spent an hour wandering around seeing old and new Havana, be interesting to come back in ten years time to see the difference, cruise port being built so Billy well excited about coming back here on a cruise.

Again disrespectful members on tour took a phone call during the walk while the guide was explaining the area.

After walk we had an hour’s free time but to be honest too hot to walk to far, we ended up in park getting cartoon drawings done of each other, lovely memento of our trip. Loved the dogs in the square with the ID badges around their necks entitling them to be there, they were strutting their stuff for all to see.

Met up with tour guide again in hotel bar where Ernest Hemmingway allegedly wrote ‘to whom the bell tolls’ then back to bus for trip home,

Ernest got around a lot as he appears to have had a drink in every bar in Havana, fair enough it is hot and you need to keep your fluids up.

Great day, tired by end as not back until 8pm but well worth it, next time we would stay overnight so we could explore more.

Entertainment tonight was cover band ‘rice and beans’ good band but everything that could go wrong went wrong, poor techie skills again, mics stopped working, some band members over acted so much you just had to laugh but they had the crowd dancing away.

Saturday 21st September

Lazy day spent booking spa massage and wine bath for later in week, a la carte restaurant bookings and of course Geocaching!

Geocache outside hotel next to Mambo Club, we were hoping to find this to mark our trip to Cuba and had the bonus of picking up a travel bug we can now watch travel bug with our memories of Cuba. When we came home and logged picking up the travel bug it turns out it was dropped by a honeymoon couple so for us old timers of 25 years to find it was fate.

Spent the rest of the morning on the beautiful beach, so quiet and the colour of the sea is amazing, went swimming a few times to cool off and we discovered Louise is too posh to pee in the sea!

Sunday 22nd September

Back on the beach, more swimming in the sea, Louise wandering around in her bikini no longer worrying what other people think, all shapes and sizes in the resort. Must admit we thought it would be full of young honeymoon couples but they are in the minority as it appears to be couples in their late 50’s onwards so we feel quite young. Quite funny though as the honeymooners are all cuddled up to each other while the rest of us are ‘it’s too hot/sweaty, just hold hands’

Watched what we thought was a wedding on the beach but turned out it was a photo shoot complete with happy couple in the sea in full wedding dress, not many brides would like that – Billy could tell Louise though that the bride had on bright pink underwear on under her dress, Louise decided not worth asking how he knew.

Talking of weddings most days there are a wedding in the gazebo of the hotel, usually mid morning otherwise it gets too hot. It does look quite strange and lonely just the newly married couple eating their wedding cake but as long as they are happy that is all that matters.

Monday 23rd September

Wandered along the beach to the next bay, passed a few hotels, beach shelved quite sharply so lots of giggling when falling over. Weather turning very hot even for Cuba, turns out we are entering a heat wave.

Lots of Speedos on display or budgie smugglers of all ages enough to put you off your cocktails.

Spent rest of morning at pool as fed up with sand, as you can guess we are not beach people, rubbing sand in with your sun tan lotion is too painful.

Weather now too hot to sit in all day, we manage from after breakfast approx 9.30am to 2pm and that is in and out the pool, in and out the shade, turning nice and brown but not being silly about it – as long as your face and hands are brown nobody sees the rest unless they really want to see our white bits.

Having fun with the waiters in the restaurant that we see daily, we have Overto our breakfast omelette and lunch crepe man, Italian pasta and pizza man and last but not least Leonardo our waiter and his girlfriend – he wishes – nothing is too much hassle for him, he try’s to keep our table, constant attention with drinks, water but never in your face. Louise can get up to nothing as both Overto, Italian man and Leonardo know that Billy watches her all the time, not in controlling way just to ensure she does not cause mayhem.

Decided to play pool tonight, well Billy played and tried to teach Louise but she was getting excited if she even hit a ball never mind play the game properly.

In a bid to stop more beastie bites Billy wore long trousers but they just see that as a challenge and he ended up with 15 bites on one calf, not a happy camper.

Entertainment tonight was magicians, ok but nothing new but they did come into the audience for volunteers but luckily we did not get picked.

Tuesday 24th September

More of the same pool until lunchtime, then back to room for air conditioning or sitting on balcony in the shade but still hot.

Louise had a massage in the outside cabana, only meant to last 15 mins but as she was first and it was quiet she was treated to 30 mins of bliss, not as good as Wee Sally but she had always wanted one outside and that would not work in Bathgate.

Tonight we went to the a la carte restaurant on the beach, stunning thunder and lighting storm throughout meal, something romantic about watching the lightening flash all around and seeing the storm head out to the sea.

Only downside was flip flop Billy disaster zone but we managed to get him back safely. He does say he has spent 30 years picking Louise up when she falls down so it’s his turn. Louise getting a bit worried he may have had to much sun as he keeps insisting he saw a one armed crab in the river flowing around resort but it has never been seen since despite checking at least twice a day.

Wednesday 25th September

Yep you guessed same routine, Louise did wander off for an hour with her camera wandering around the hotel playing with her camera and two gardeners gave her flowers which made her feel special, not very bright though as she could not get her room key to work and had to get the passing beer man to let her into the room. Unbeknown to Louise Billy had hidden his existing beer so the beer man would leave him another two, cheeky boy that he is, beer man restocks free mini bar everyday with two beers so Billy came up with his master plan.

Pool, lunch but then we went for a couples wine therapy massage.

Now that was just heaven, we were sent to separate areas to get changed, had to fill in forms which made Louise laugh as Billy had to fill in his own form and that is always a panic for him, met again at reception in our dressing gowns, Billy whispering that he kept his trunks on so Louise reassured him that was ok. We then got 30 mins back, neck and leg massage, poor Billy with his calf full of bites had never had his legs massaged before but appeared to enjoy it. Louise could not have got off the bed even if room on fire as she was so relaxed, the aromatic oils used came from grapes, after massage we had the use of the private Jacuzzi in the room which had more of the grape oils, dimmed lights very romantic but weird sitting in swirling liquid the colour of blood, must be red wine grapes.

Entertainment tonight was a rock band called Poker Club, again tech side let them down but the lead singer was good, sexy lady belting out rock hits from 1980s even had Billy signing along to Bon Jovi – we think Cuba is stuck in the 1980’s music wise but thankfully not the fashion.

Thursday 26th September

Getting too hot to actually do anything, only able to sit in sun in the morning but no complaints here just loving the heat, according to the hotel temperature chart it is 32 degrees not sure of accuracy as always same temp and loving the high tech chart – paper with 32 written on it.

Tonight we had another meal in one of the a la cart restaurants, this time it was the Carib restaurant which was Caribbean food, lovely meal and beautiful restaurant.

Billy’s crab has now been missing in action for a week but there is crab meat on the a la carte menus.

Pool lessons still going on, Louise still happy just to hit the ball never mind have a strategy apart from flash her boobs hoping to put Billy off, she does win but lots of cheating going on.

Entertainment tonight is some more Cuban bum shaking but went along and to watch anyway, got to support the art as that is what will pay for our retirement home.

Friday 27th September

More of the same, pool in the morning, lunch and laughter with Leonardo our waiter who is in fact a Spanish teacher but makes more money as a waiter.

Louise having great fun annoying the towel man, he is the only grumpy person she has found in Cuba and takes great delight in changing her beach towel at least twice a day just to make him grumpy. She is evil as she is all innocence, polite, good manners but only doing it to wind him up.

We can get Canadian TV and have spent the last two weeks trying to work out where Sue lives so decided we will just have to visit her.

Went down to the beach at sunset to get some photos and Louise to practice with her camera filters but unbeknown to her Billy had actually pinched one and got fantastic photos.

Rice and Beans were playing again tonight, techie side worked but they had to deal with a drunken prat (not us) who kept pestering them with air guitar, drunk dancing and trying to get on the stage with them.

Another pool lesson, gotta love Billy still trying to teach Louise……

Very romantic image at night, Louise just nodding off opened her eyes to see a naked Billy chasing beastie round the room with his flip flop, Billy wants it pointed out that ‘flip flop’ is a shoe and not his manly area. Louise did wake up that morning with an almighty snort so could not really say much to Billy’s evening performance.

Saturday 28th September

Sad day as last day, went to beach so Louise could have a swim then back to the pool, getting hotter, new English people arrived and the whole atmosphere of resort changed, became very loud and lots of pointless complaining, funny though watching the sun bed wars, loads of beds just people being stupid.

Had to say goodbye to Leonardo today, lots of Cuban kissing going on mixed in with laughter

Overto was making crepes and Louise got to help him, well got to hold the spatula while Billy took the photo.

Louise as daft as usual at dinner, put her handbag down on a table, went off to get first course dropped her plate off then went to get bread and proceeded to sit at a completely different table much to the waiter’s laughter. He brought over handbag and salad plate that Louise could not find.

Witnessed a lovely wedding today, bride and groom, parents and close friends had the ceremony in the morning and at night time had a beautiful meal in the romantic gazebo

Entertainment was awful, not one dancer in time with any other dancer on the stage, singer loved himself so much we had to leave and play pool again.

Sunday 29th September

Trying to work out if we do not pay our 25cucs would they let us stay in Cuba, had breakfast said goodbye to Overto and Yvette, Louise had final swim in the sea, both had final swim in pool then back to room to get showered and finish packing.

Headed to airport, usual moaning from people, don’t see the point just part of travelling, had to go through the magic immigration doors again, another tense 5 mins for Billy while he had to wait for Louise getting through. Sneaky Louise did ask to get her passport stamped but disappointed as all it turned out to be was a faint date stamp but at least they let her back out.

Security is very basic on way out, everything goes through scanner, Billy had to remove his belt and watch so lots of fumbling, and Louise got the magic wand waved over her due to metal buttons on her trousers

rs. Drug dogs where at the check in and one was released again Louise told not to pat the cute doggies. Security is tighter on the way into Cuba, between planes having to be sprayed with anti bacterial spray before allowed to open doors, immigration; bags scanned all before you can access your cases.

Long flight, sneaky Louise took a sleeping tablet and snored in Billy’s ear, very romantic. Landed at 5.30am so feeling rather dazed but managed to get earlier train home, lucky it terminates in Edinburgh in case we nod off.

Monday 30^th September

Landed at 5.30am so feeling rather dazed, went for coffee while we worked out train for coming home, managed to get earlier train home, lucky it terminates in Edinburgh in case we nod off..

Train was busy again as Uni students heading back for new term, old couple got on and we got to hear their travelling woes at least three times while they spoke to other travellers. We just dozed on and off during the journey home, feeling very sad to be back.

Finally got home 18 hours after we left Cuba, Louise crashed for an hour, kept busy so we did not sleep all afternoon as we try to stay on the current time when we travel to try and beat jet lag (Cuba 5 hours behind UK) saying that in bed by 8pm and slept for solid 12 hours.

Would we do it again, yep in a heartbeat, holiday was everything and more that we dreamed of

Top Tips for Cuba

• Remember your mosquito repellent
• Tip your waiters well, 1 cuc works out about 60p so every time you get a drink, have a meal etc tip your waiter, you get better service and their basic wage is so low anything helps
• Remember you are on Cuban time which means ‘soon’ but no real time frame
• Remember your mosquito repellent – yes duplicate, we are the muppets who left it at home
• Believe it or not there is a toilet paper shortage in Cuba so always carry your own when you leave the resort, go on trips to Havana etc
• Leave any toiletries, clothes, shoes you don’t need when you leave, the Cuban people are poor and these things are very difficult to get hold off – ladies if you have any feminine hygiene products don’t be embarrassed to leave these as they are in very short supply and tampons are impossible to obtain in Cuba
• Patchy internet, we sent texts to Shorty to keep her updated, 50p per text better than expensive phone calls
• Cuban people look abrupt but love to chat to tourists, once you get chatting their demeanour changes
• Flip flops are lethal on wet tiles, just ask Billy
• Have sex everyday as it a lot of fun – Billy tip
• Yes resort can run out of things but try something else, you are on holiday anyway.
• Hair – forget it the humidity is so high nothing works
• Clothes – take the lightest clothes you own, even underwear as humidity and heat makes you leak all day and night (sweat basically)
• TAKE MOSQUITO REPELLANT AS THE ARE NASTY LITTLE BITERS
• 

Fringe Maddness

Billy and I braved the mobs yesterday and went into Edinburgh to the Fringe Festival – really odd this year as Shorty not working there this year but we recognise techs everywhere now, there are the ones with grey faces that see no daylight for 4 weeks, black t-shirts, baggy cargo shorts that contain their life, knives strapped to their backs (working tool), steel toe cap boots that come in handy to get through the bloody tourists that faff about in front of them. Plus the sound techs can only count to 2 which is better than the lampies who wander around in the dark.

Before I went I had looked up a load of free shoes on PBH or is it PHB – Shorty can tell you, anyway great for seeing what is on when and where, gotta plug the theatre for Shorty otherwise she will not have any theatres to work in and Billy and I will get sent to a scabby old folk’s home and not a nice one.

Not a good start, got out the taxi at the Livi North Station for my sandal to snap, these have been all over the world but even they could not face the Festival mobs. Hobbled onto the train and hunted down cheap shoe shop before anything else, only cheap shoes I could find were old lady shoes, can’t even think of the right word and to rub salt in the wound Billy put my broken ones in the bucket, just a careless toss (don’t be rude) into a bucket. Near to tears at his brutality I did have to agree that we have a rule a new pair means a pair have to go in the bucket and they were burst – bugger made me walk past the bucket on the way back to the train, now that was uncalled for and just down right cruel!!

Anyway plan was to start practising cocktail consumption for Cuba, so off to TGI Friday’s for a massive mojito and lynchburgh lemonade, went down a treat, Billy did get over excited as he found Moosehead Beer so we toasted my best friend Sue Wilton before we got smashed on said cocktails. Lets just say lot of food consumed so by the time we left we had a good buzz happening.

Wandered off to the gardens (old fart Billy needed a rest) spent an hour making up stories about people walking past, love that game, Shorty plays it best but her dad is getting better, we did have one poor guy with three testicles coming to the gardens to try and bring it into conversation with his girlfriend – we will blame that on the mojito. Here is a thought are you getting old when you sit on the seats rather than the grass? Very classy couple there (no not us) there with their toddler girl and bottle of bucky, yep I am an Edinburgh born snob through and through

Cover your eyes Shorty, we then wandered up to Ann Summers as you do, always good for a giggle, got caught listening to a couple of young ladies, one was going on’ but my mum would be horrified’ etc to which her pal said ‘for goodness sake your an adult’ Billy and I had to leave for two reasons – one I was staring and two he was going to say ‘what do you think your mum and dad are up to when you are out’

Time for some culture, we headed off to see Phil Jupitis as Porky the Poet – he was fantastic, a very clever poet, some stuff a bit deep for us but most had us laughing away like a pair of drains, he is a great support of the Fringe Festival and his show is free, you just drop some money in his bucket on the way out. He is playing at the Jam House at 5pm, worth going even if like us poetry is not something you are normally interested in.

Next show was the fab Sarah Millican, I watched her dvd’s last year when I was recovering from major surgery and actually thought at one point I had burst my internal stitching. She is trying out her material for her Homebird tour this year, fantastically funny, from claggy plies to her belief her partner is a psychopath.

Sarah Millican show is at The Stand which is small and very hot and I had to bite my tongue to not shout out at group of ladies of a ‘certain age’ with their paper fans for their flushes. Billy was waiting for me to shout ‘really do you think that makes any difference, you are not some old fashioned southern belles, suck it up and get on with it, try surgical menopause then you will know real flushes’ sorry got a bit ranty there. I just can’t stand these women, with their competition of who has it hotter, get HRT or supplements and stop going on about it.

Anyway, moving on, real party animals here, headed for the train and home, train stopped at Edinburgh Park, engine switched off, lights off immediate thought was ‘oh no what now’ nothing mentioned, everything started up 5 mins later I think the driver nipped off to Krispy Kreme for some doughnuts but never shared.

Great day out, need more practise for Cuba though

Any point of this ramble is GET OUT THERE AND INTO THE FESTIVAL loads of free shows at the Fringe, keep theatre alive as we want to go a nice old farts home

Mad as a Hatter

Been a while since I posted but at a loose end today so thought why not share my world if nothing else it will make others feel better about their own or give them a laugh as we all need them.

I always wondered why BIlly’s last words to me whenever I left him to go to work or go anywhere on my own was not ‘love you’ but ‘be careful’ to which I always replied ‘I’ll try’.

Now I know why he is grey, losing his hair and says I am a constant worry to him, not planning on changing as I am who I am and life is too short to behave, sorry Billy love you with all my heart but I am as mad as hatter and lets be honest that is why you love me 🙂

Ok in the last 24 hrs this is how my life panned out:

1: Got thrown out of the Job Centre as my mobile phone went off, next thing I know a burly security guard is asking me to leave while pointing to sign above my head saying ‘no mobile phones’ oops never noticed that one. Snobby jaws Billy always says the Job Centre is full of the great unwashed – yep he is a snob

2: Took my call – from Clive my little gnome man – went back in and said sorry to nice security man, after all I have been brought up to have manners, saw a couple of jobs and left

3: Met Billy in Asda, he needs to help with the shopping as I still can’t push the trolley or lift the stuff/bags etc due to my sports injury (torn groin muscle turning over on the couch – more fuel to add to Billy’s worry I am a danger to myself) told him about the thrown out episode which he thought was funny and said ‘only you’ – I hear that a lot from him

4: Billy drove me to the library where I managed to break the self scan machine, put four books on it, it scanned one and had a melt down, had to reboot – technology and I just don’t go together

5: On the way home told Billy I fancied applying to be a mystery shopper to which he replied ‘you get thrown out of shops so how would that work’ he did have a point there

6: Poor Billy I then shared my dream from the night before, we are going to see Sarah Millican during the Festival and my dream was that I ended up on stage with her chatting about my gash and hole (hysterectomy terms – scar and empty part where they took bits out), our geocaching (experts in tupperware retrieval) how we get lots of funny looks from serious walkers when we pop out off bushes, trees giggling and holding hands. How I had joked last year that I was going to go to the Festival last year 3 weeks post op and be a street performer with a sign ‘£10 to see my gash’ I meant my scar and anything else was the thoughts of dirty old men!!. She was so impressed with me I was now going on tour with her for the next year. Billy and I then decided that I would take gaffa tape with me to tape my mouth shut at the gig, we are planning food and cocktails first something tells me I will be getting a diet cola to drink. We are off to see Ed Byrne too maybe he would like to hear about my gash, hole and YouTube Couch Dancing habit – not shared that with Billy yet.

7: Now Friday morning and decide to try out my new yoga dvd relaxation part, yep did that but thought ‘OMG the carpet in here needs hovered’ finished yoga, located hoover and to my ultimate shame could not work out how to switch it on. To be fair I was not allowed to hoover in last year and we got a new hoover which I have never used before. Worked it out eventually but what a muppet.

8: Set an oven glove on fire while melting chocolate for Billy’s Rocky Road (thought might be nice treat for him after all the worry I give him) done the usual – what’s that burning smell, saw the flames on my glove so waved it around frantically and hit it off greaseproof paper, did not set the kitchen on fire as Billy would murder me for that one.

9: While in the kitchen turned round to the open kitchen door to see my sunflowers actually coming in the door, bit of a triffed moment there, did not get a fright just chatted to them

10: Chatted to Shorty on the phone, told her I was sad yesterday when I saw mums and daughters getting ready for Uni and realised we will never do that again as she has passed her degree. Did say the feeling passed and no she was not getting to come back home. Saying that the phone kept cutting out, bloody sheep walk past in Norfolk and line drops, so told her to pack everybody and animals up and come home – not shared that with Billy yet. She did suggest we move down there but the commute is too far for work and the small village she lives in is not ready for the mayhem I would bring.

11: Looking for a geocache to drop off a tracker I have, found a good one in Newbridge, loads of historical interest attached to it but read the log and it said ‘needed maintenance’ muppet brain here though read the date a Jan 2013 so emailed the owner asking if fixed etc told Billy who checked and it was dated in the American format and it was 1st August not 8th January, needless to say I have emailed the owner to apologise for being stupid.

Well that is my life in the last 24hrs, can see why Billy says ‘be careful’ but where is the fun in that.

Life is too short, dance every day is my motto and doing so as I type this plugged into YouTube and dancing away at the kitchen table, oops said a few bad words there as I thought I had deleted post in error – done that before

Anyway dance with me, don’t care what anybody thinks they are not important 🙂

Out to Play

As we know the weather has basically been pants and pretty big granny pants at that so not much cycling being done, in fact been banned at work from mentioning the words ‘going cycling at the weekend’ as this appears to guarantee pants weather.

After our fiasco of dangling from the new bike rack we have not been out to make fools of ourselves, we had planned to go into Edinburgh last Saturday as we had an appointment at 9am then go to Crammond/Silverknowes but worked out we would have to get up at 6am to load bikes and be in Edinburgh for 9am.

Instead we went out GeoCaching our other mad hobby, basically international treasure hunt, check out http://www.geocaching.com . We started this last year as way for me to get gentle exercise but with some fun, we saw another family on Coached off the Couch do it and thought ‘we can do that’.

I had seen what is called a series and suggested we could give it a try as we have done one offs and fantastic Halloween event in the past. Now this was classified as a gentle stroll series, basically a walk that had 6 geocaches to find, obviously though our idea of gentle and the geocacher responsible had different ideas. Started off well, the usual wander along holding hands, laughing and joking by the end 3 hours yes 3 hours later I was avoiding all eye contact with Billy, gentle stroll turned into 3 hrs cross country hike! Normally Billy helps me over logs, muddy patches but by the end I was on my own and I am sure if he could have found a large enough container I would now be a geocache.

Hey it was lovely day to walk, fresh air, sunshine and we did have a picnic lunch and perfect excuse for afternoon nap when we came back.

Cuba holiday is fast approaching so fitness and diet back on track, still not managed to the pool yet despite taking swimming kit to car two weeks in a row, Billy had his period this week so that was our excuse for not going last night.

Been out walking two lunchtime and two evenings in a row (well I walk at lunchtime Billy gossips with his pals in the canteen) Tomorrow night I am starting a yoga class and hopefully will not fall over and end up in A&E or behave in a very immature manner if somebody breaks wind which is said to be common practice in a yoga class – wind that is not being immature. Have bought myself a pretty pink yoga mat complete with its on bag, did remember to remove plastic wrap from mat so I don’t look a real muppet in the class while pretending to know what I am doing.

Billy has the mad idea we could cycle to my yoga class, he could cycle away and come back for me and we could cycle home – silly me forgot to check if I can chain my bike up at the class so will need to take the car this week at least 🙂

His second mad idea is that we start cycling to work, I have said yes to this before never thinking it will actually happen but set the date in your diary it is a week on Friday. Must remember when I get to work to remove my padded cycle shorts from under my jeans or I will look and walk very odd all day.

Ok off now to cause more chaos, find something ‘healthy’ to eat

Oh Dear

Well we finally got out to play on our bikes at the weekend, first time since February – so of course it made perfect sense to start of by going uphill for 2 miles. The only positive to come out of it is we now are shamed into getting off our backsides now the snow has finally stopped.
We did have a laugh and learnt a whole new load of sweary words putting the bikes on the new bike rack.
Billy did not really appreciate me dropping my bike on his head 🙂 oops guess who let go at the wrong moment but true to his nature he never shouted at me for being my usual clumsy self.
We did wonder how stupid/blind other drivers are, there we are struggling to lift my bike onto the roof rack and a muppet of a woman parks on the other side of the car despite there being plenty of other spaces. Really would you park beside two lunatics dangling from a car bike rack?
All we can say about the new bike rack is it fairly stretches out your calf muscles.
Hopefully now weather is better, got the bike rack we can get out to play most weekends – plus did take a photo of how knackered I looked to shame me into more exercise.
Got gym bag packed just need to actually go now, may even make it into the pool tomorrow only been talking about it for approx 6 months.

Back in the saddle Part Two

hi world,

Back out training again today – got take advantage of the dry weather plus out for dinner last night and stuffed faces with good food and white chocolate cheesecake – yes Alana (Diet Boss) I know bad diet but it was our Silver Wedding 🙂

Anyway out today and cycled back and forward to work to see how I  would get on, not ready yet to do it on work day, but hey 5 miles and no stopping, up and down hills, no stopping me now. Did offer to Billy if he wanted to cycle everyday I would take his laptop in the car but he declined, must be wanting to wait for me or just not daft.

Daft idea did come to mind, saw the cycle track sign that said 20 miles to Airdrie, bearing in mind we need to get up to 44 miles, and said to Billy we could cycle there and get the train back, see downstairs for dancing but upstairs for thinking. Will keep you advised on possible train route.

Update on Louloubelle cycling standing up – getting better still wobbly and head butting a branch is not recommended, funny though which is why she wears her cycle helmet not just because she is special. Needing to work on looking forward while standing up or the bushes end up under attack.

Did remember to wear padded cycle shorts today as backside sore from yesterday’s training. may not be so smart tomorrow when we hobble into work but good laugh at the time.

Think a mojito on the cards for tonight as don’t want to get dehydrated from exercise.

 

 

 

Back in the saddle

Finally got back to our cycle training this morning, only did 2 miles but felt like 20 as no exercise been taken for the last 4 weeks.

Today’s lessons were:

1: Get back into training – that was easy enough, but forgot to wear the padded cycle shorts so will pay for that later tonight

2: Teach Louloubelle how to stand up and peddle at the same time – this is a major exercise as she has no sense of balance, (video will be posted on Facebook for anybody needing a laugh) managed a maximum of 50 m at a time, bike going wobbly in one direction while she goes wobbly in another. This is going to an ongoing lesson as today only managed on the flat, poor Billy has the patience of a saint.

3: Teach Louloubelle to stop holding onto her brakes every time she goes down hill – another major exercise as basically Louloubelle loves to drive fast but not so smart on her bike, lack of control is the problem plus the real fear of her falling off and breaking something. So far today managed twice to go down hill with no brakes with Billy shouting ‘hands of the brakes’ and Louloubelle shouting ‘no I can’t’ followed by ‘wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee that’s fun’ again poor Billy has the patience of a saint.

Now got a photo to keep focused on why doing the training when whinging (Louloubelle) ‘my legs are crying’ gets too much.

 

 

Training Pause

Our training has been put on hold for a few weeks as Louise forgets she is recovering from major surgery and has been poorly so no training of any form for next 2-4 weeks until she is back on her feet – no matter how many time she stamps her foot like a brat saying ‘I will be fine on my bike’

Still trying to behave on diet, too scared of diet buddy Alana not to be too bad, she is the best is you need somebody to make you behave, very fierce but out of love – poor Mark (husband) and Caleb (son) will never ever get anything passed her. 🙂

As training off we went to look at other bikes etc yesterday at Riverside Museum in Glasgow, perfect trip out if looking for something to do and it is free. It is the new home of the Transport Museum plus exhibition of living in Glasgow from 1950s onwards.

Posted up some photos so you can see.